Eulogy

Created by Paul 2 years ago

In the words of Mark Twain:

“…… an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.”

Please hold that thought

(By the way, Tony always approved of advance planning and meticulous organisation, so it will come as no surprise to learn that today’s Order of Service was conceived, in its entirety, several years ago, by ……

.......Tony. 

The hymns and readings and prayers are exactly what Tony wanted to share with us as he said goodbye; all of them held a meaning for him).

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Tony managed to stay independent and mobile into his early 80’s before his health started to deteriorate.

After a series of falls and unplanned hospital stays, in 2018 he moved to the Brendoncare Stildon Nursing Home in East Grinstead. He chose the home himself, and it proved to be a very good choice. 

The nursing and care staff at Stildon have been excellent and the family are grateful to them for making the last three and a half years of Tony’s life comfortable and for respecting his dignity. They also did a magnificent job of protecting Tony and fellow residents from Covid.

Tony was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s shortly after entering the home and whilst this terrible disease did not progress as far as it might have done, it produced challenges with which many will be familiar. Tony also had a recurrence of cancer earlier this year which proved to be terminal. 

There was pain and discomfort to be dealt with towards the end, and we are grateful for the palliative care put in place by St Catherine’s Hospice, which ensured that Tony’s final days and hours were calm. He slipped away quietly on Friday 22nd October, late in the evening. 

During his time at Stildon, Tony was visited on many occasions by a member of this church, who gave him communion and prayed with him; then as the end approached, was there to say prayers for him. Tony took great comfort from the visits, and I thank you, sincerely, for what you did. God Bless You Richard.
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Tony was born in Birmingham in 1932, the eldest of four children, and lived in the Midlands throughout his childhood. 

In 1950 he joined the RASC for his National Service. Having gone in as a Private, he was picked out by the CO to train for a commission. He became a Second Lieutenant, later promoted to Lieutenant, and continued after National Service for two years in the Regular Reserve. 

Tony’s favourite sports were Tennis and Football. He played tennis regularly at club level, though when it came to football, it turned out his strengths lay in the middle of the pitch with a whistle: he qualified as a referee in 1951 and a Class 1 referee in 1960, later officiating in the Football Combination and South Eastern Counties League, which contained the reserve and youth teams of the top London professional clubs. 

In 1954 Tony went off to Nigeria and the Gold Coast, to work for the United Africa Company. On his return from this adventure, in April 1957, he took up a position with Bowater Scott in Knightsbridge, his employer for the next 34 years, until he took early retirement in 1991. 

In June 1958, Tony married Anne, who lived a couple of doors down the road in Solihull. They had two children, Paul, and Jane, born in 1959 and 1962. 

Tony did well in his business career, with a succession of promotions to senior management level, however, the best reward he received during his time with Bowater Scott probably came one summer when his boss got in touch out of the blue while Tony and the family were away on holiday in Cornwall …. 

For heading up the sales charts, Tony was offered not a monetary reward but a ticket to an event. The only thing was he’d have to abandon the holiday and dash up to London pronto. Much as the holiday was lovely, Tony decided to leave the family to it for a few days and take up his boss’s offer. 

On 30th July that year, Tony was one of 96,924 people inside Wembley Stadium to see England win the World Cup Final. 

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Fast Forward ten years …. in the long hot summer of 1976, Tony and the family moved into College Close in Lingfield, a house with a lovely view of this church and a gate into the churchyard. This was to be home for the next 26 years until August 2002, when Tony and Anne moved to Crowhurst. 

In May 1986 Tony stood as a Liberal candidate in Lingfield & Crowhurst and was elected to Tandridge District Council. Subsequently re-elected as a Liberal Democrat, Tony represented Lingfield and Crowhurst as District Councillor for twenty-one years continuously, until April 2007.

Tony was honoured to have served as Chairman of Tandridge District Council for the year 1995/96, and proud to have been made an Honorary Alderman after standing down from the Council in 2007.

As well as his District Council service for Lingfield and Crowhurst, Tony won two terms as a Surrey County Councillor, representing Godstone for eight years between May 1993 and May 2001. Throughout this time, he also served as a member of Surrey Police Authority.

Tony was a member of the congregation of this church and a sidesman for many years. He was also President of Lingfield Silver Band from 1993 till 2015 and turned up to every concert he could to support them. Though he was not a musician himself, he took a keen interest in choral, organ and brass band music and loved a bit of opera too. 

He served as a Governor of Oxted School and The Warwick School in Redhill, and a Donation Governor of Christ’s Hospital School near Horsham.

Tony lived in Lingfield & Crowhurst for more than 40 years – almost half his life – and supported local communities and organisations for most of that time.


Now back to that quote from Mark Twain:


“…… an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.”


Tony was an honest man.

Not an easy man, often too forthright for others, yet honest in his intent and in his word.

Once elected for the first time in 1986, I think Tony entered what was the happiest and most fulfilling period of his life, and it showed. He absolutely loved the role and I believe that his honesty (and passion) did indeed let him shine more than at any time in his life previously. 

Even though he stood under an orange banner, when most of this area is traditionally blue, Tony had respect from councillors across the spectrum and returned it. He held in high esteem the late Ken Harwood, former District Councillor for Felbridge ward and Brian Perkins of Lingfield, who was later most kind and considerate to Tony as he became less mobile. 

Tony’s term as Chairman of Tandridge District Council in 1995/96 was not only his favourite year, it also led to annual get togethers for years afterwards. The Mayors and Chairs of Surrey in 1995/96 formed ‘The Chain Gang’, meeting every year for a reunion lunch; hosted in turn by each member. These events created very happy memories for Tony in his final years. 

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Tony’s wife of 49 years, Anne, passed away fourteen years ago, in 2007. Anne was quite possibly one of the finest human beings to walk the earth and Tony knew he’d won the jackpot the day she said yes to his proposal. 

Tony liked to think he was in charge at home, and Anne was happy to let him think that he was. Tony loved it when Anne cooked for him. He was a hopeless cook himself, so he always ate whatever she prepared and went for seconds.

Tony had the habit of sprinkling a significant amount of salt and pepper on a meal as soon as it was in front of him. This exasperated Anne, who knew very well how to season food. She tried asking him several times to taste first before sprinkling. Nothing changed until ….

One day, Anne tipped an industrial helping of salt in to a dish specially prepared for Tony and sat with another member of the family, who was in on the plot, to watch what would happen. True to form, Tony sprinkled the salt and pepper liberally. He took the first mouthful and grimaced but said nothing and finished the lot. He didn’t ask for seconds on this occasion though. 

At the next meal Tony tasted first before sprinkling. 

I don’t think Anne ever told him that the heavy seasoning was deliberate, and she may have been quietly impressed by his loyalty and lack of complaint.

That may be a little laugh at Tony’s expense but he’s having the last laugh now. 

He’s going to be reunited with his beloved Anne and be at peace.